Exhausted from battling anger, one of the few readers I know personally once approached me with a dramatic question: how far should a Christian endure conflict?
An adult, with a family of her own, professionally successful and settled in her own home; however, with each encounter with her parents and siblings, insinuations inevitably arose, which turned into accusations, fueled disagreements, and transformed into painful insults… always!
It is imperative to note that the commandment to honor father and mother is not a license for emotional abuse or for condoning sin. Honoring the office does not imply agreeing with the occupant's behavior, especially when that behavior becomes a stumbling block to their own holiness.
In many cases, distancing oneself is the only way to fulfill the fifth commandment without succumbing to the sin of anger against those whom God has commanded us to respect.
Then Peter came to him and said:
Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?
Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”.
Forgiving “seventy times seven” is not an order for us to become spiritual “punching bags,” but a guarantee that your heart will not become a prisoner of bitterness.
However, the Bible never commands us to keep our necks on the chopping block while we count offenses: forgiveness frees the debtor; prudence removes the creditor from the path of danger.
I had to think a bit before offering an answer, mainly because the development of the reasoning is as important, or even more important, than the conclusion: I present here, in written form and with biblical references, the same perspective I offered her, hoping to also help other people who may be experiencing situations where they need it. dealing with anger.
Leaving the Brothel
First, I asked her to imagine a man who spent a good part of his life as a regular and habitual user of a brothel and its "services".
We will not consider here issues of consequences such as illness or excessive spending, but a crucial situation that can occur in a human being's life: that dissolute person was reached by the Truth of the Gospel and, from one moment to the next, saw his life transformed!
Change hurts!
Change isn't easy!
Change in behavior doesn't happen overnight.
From the devastating withdrawal symptoms that plague drug users to the aches and pains a sedentary person experiences after physical activity, the adaptation process always demands both effort and discipline.
It was no different with that man either.
Of course, the prospect of eternal life and the beginning of knowledge about God's supernatural power are excellent catalysts in a process of transformation; however, sooner or later, sin may come knocking at your door: the "trigger"—a reunion, a disappointment, sadness, a special date—is pulled, but now he is a Christian and knows that he must refuse to participate in old practices.
Or do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute becomes one body with her?
For they will be, he said, one flesh.
But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.
I fled from fornication.
Every sin that a man commits is outside the body; but he who commits fornication sins against his own body.
Let's suppose the man failed.
Not in the ostentatious and offensive way that those who, claiming to be... predestined, They insist on making the mistake a part of their own personalities: he failed to his utter shame, he failed to recognize his own weakness, he failed to learn and understand that there is no power in himself…
He succumbed to old habits and, the following morning, realizing his misery, fell into a depressive despair;
Setting aside theological extremes, he sinned and, being aware of it, began a series of acts of penance, which can be self-destructive.
It is precisely to prevent this cycle that we find one of the most shocking passages in the entire Bible:
Therefore, if your right eye causes you to sin,
Tear it off and drive it far away from you;
For it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
And if your right hand causes you to sin,
Cut it up and throw it away from you.,
For it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
No. Please. I'm not trying to promote mutilation, but I'm talking about... BREAK THE CYCLE which leads to sin!
As I highlighted the verb “"to escape"” Regarding fornication, I would now like to highlight the “"throw away"” Regarding the factors that lead us to sin, the Word of God never commands us to test our limits: when we are vulnerable or likely to falter... it is for TO ESCAPE e STAY AWAY same!!!
In the case of the brothel, the end of sin is directly related to the end of any visits to the place., regardless of any pretext that may be invented!
How far should one endure a conflict?
Now, while sexual sins are the most obvious, the IRAN It is one of those sins that have come to be treated as mere "personality traits" or "everyday stress"...
The world says that a few therapy sessions are all we need to overcome these "little things," right?
NO!!!
Let us consider the example of two sanctified men of God, a fundamental part of the early church and responsible for spreading many of the concepts we currently follow precisely because they were compiled in the book we know as the Bible: The apostle Paul and Barnabas discussed, disagreed, and…
And such a contention arose between them that they separated from one another..
Barnabas, taking Mark with him, sailed to Cyprus.
And Paul, having chosen Silas, departed, commended by the brothers to the grace of God.
Considering that there is no record of insults or aggression, everything indicates that the conflict was based solely on differing opinions regarding the "modus operandi" they would adopt, and undoubtedly, each had some reason for their convictions, but... the SOLUTION they found was TO SEPARATE.
There is no record of either trying to prove they were right to the other, nor any acknowledgment of error… they simply left. Perhaps to avoid succumbing to anger.
I imagine that this episode may have been recalled by Paul when he wrote:
Therefore, putting away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor;
because we are members of one another.
Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger..
The “Ideal Conflict”
Allow me to classify this episode we have just observed in this way, as it presented the following conditions:
- PLAUSIBLE AND MORAL CAUSES;
- No offense intended.;
- WITHOUT VIOLENCE;
- There is no reason to ask for forgiveness.
It was a conflict that contributed to the expansion of the gospel, and its characteristics, the behavior of the participants, and especially its resolution should always be kept alive in the minds of any Christian, because, through the use of such factors, we will have measure, code of conduct, and tools to live a much less painful life and one that is absolutely within biblical precepts.
Let's look at a passage that perfectly aligns with what we've just seen, and in which I'll highlight an important point that many overlook:
But I tell you that whoever, FOR NO REASON, to become angry with his brother,
will be a defendant in court;
And whoever says to his brother, 'Raca,' shall be liable to the Sanhedrin;
And whoever says to his brother, 'You fool!' will be liable to the fire of hell.
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
and then come and present your offer.
They saw there the “FOR NO REASON”?
Indeed, the Bible does not encourage Christians to act irrationally in response to any situation that may arise.
Did he get angry for no reason? Ask for FORGIVENESS!!!
Did you insult, offend, or curse someone without reason? Ask for FORGIVENESS!!!
Did you get into a conflict for no reason? Ask for forgiveness!!!
Now, if you were able to assess the fairness of your own arguments and there are grounds for your claim… why should you humiliate yourself?
It's obvious that there are things we can give up in the name of good relations, but there is, indeed, a point where excessive kindness transforms the image of a supposedly "humble" and "benevolent" person into that of a cowardly weakling, incapable of reacting or even imposing and upholding a moral line in accordance with the word of God!
Give instruction to a wise man, and he will become even wiser;
Teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.
Do not rebuke a mocker, or he will hate you;
Reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
He who rebukes a mocker invites insult upon himself;
And whoever criticizes the wicked will receive their stain.
Leave the foolish and live.;
and walk in the way of understanding.
Please note that I intentionally wrote the verses of the passage above in reverse order, but only to highlight the instruction given first for the entire reasoning of the text: DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME ARGUING with those who resist reason! Go live your life, don't stagnate in a discussion that contaminates you and restricts you to the size of your opponent, preventing you from even gaining further understanding: Leave the foolish and live.!!!
Would the Lord Jesus Christ see anything to be rebuked in that attitude?
Would he command us to persist in suffering and praying until some transformation occurred in the life of that oppressor?
The Bible contains a surprising account that can shed light on this for us:
And when the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue; and many who heard him were amazed, saying:
Where does he get these things? And what is this wisdom that has been given to him?
And how are such wonders performed by His hands?
Isn't this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon?
And aren't his sisters here with us?
And they were scandalized by him.
And Jesus said to them:
No prophet is without honor except in his own country, among his relatives, and in his own house..
E I couldn't do any marvelous work there.;
He healed only a few sick people by laying his hands on them.
E I was amazed at his disbelief.s.
Forgiveness is unilateral, reconciliation is bilateral.
The egregious error of many contemporary counselors is confusing the obligation to forgive with the process of reconciliation.
O FORGIVENESS It is a unilateral spiritual decision; it occurs between you and God, where you decide to cancel the offender's moral debt so that your own heart does not rot.
You can — and should — forgive someone who never apologized, transforming the "brothel of anger" into an altar of inner liberation.
A RECONCILIATION, However, it is a bilateral process that requires reciprocity, truth, and, fundamentally, repentance.
While forgiveness is a commandment for all, reconciliation is a possibility only for those who walk in the same direction.
Without a change in attitude from the other side, attempting a forced reconciliation only fuels the cycle of violence and anger that the text of Ephesians commands us to interrupt.
Therefore, the Separation is not the same as denying forgiveness., ...but there is an acknowledgment that reconciliation is not yet possible.
By withdrawing from the presence of the foolish person, you preserve your ability to forgive them from a distance, preventing new offenses from generating new debts that you, in your human weakness, may not be able to bear.
Anger: Running Away Can Also Be a Solution!
I am deeply saddened when I encounter people living in ignorance and love, dumbed down by some leader who taught them the gospel of biblical passages out of context…
A good example of this is the people who repeat Acts 16:31 Just like the wizards in the movies recite their magic words, wanting to transform their will into reality and ignoring that the text is a promise made exclusively to the jailer of Lystra and his family…
If your faith isn't demonstrated through your daily actions, especially in front of your family, simply repeating "believe in the Lord and you and your household will be saved" as if they were magic words will be of no use or, even worse, will turn you into that insufferable bore and, probably, just another hypocrite without credibility.
In the last passage we read, we saw that the Lord Jesus Christ himself, even with all the reason in the universe, did not force or annoy his family and neighbors: there is no record of arguments or anything like that… he simply left and went to fulfill his ministry!
After much observation and thought, I am led to believe that most of the most violent conflicts between Christians and their unbelieving family members occur because the believer sees themselves as responsible for the salvation of those people, someone with the power to subvert the will of others, ending up with the “free will”"—no arguments here, please—of your loved one and transforming them into a kind of "gospel robot," perfectly in line with the understanding you received from your denomination, but…"
The Lord made all things to fulfill his own purposes.,
even the wicked for the day of evil.
No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him.;
And I will raise him up on the last day.
Do you think you can change God's plans?
Forgive me for being harsh on this point, but you need to understand that God's plans may be radically different from yours, that His timing may not be synchronized with yours… and that your insistence on remaining—and, through this, creating opportunities for more and more conflict—may only be hindering you?
So that Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God..
As soon as Let's not judge each other. more to each other;
before Let your purpose be not to put a stumbling block or cause of offense to a brother..
Could it be that He Himself allowed the existence of this "adversary" of His own blood, precisely to reveal His flaws and throw each one of them in His face, in every argument?
Could this be the strategically placed reason to force you to "leave the nest" and promote a transformation—not only spiritual, but in all other aspects!—in your life?
Haven't all those days in which the sun has set on your anger been enough to warn you that you are sinning?!?
Perhaps, deprived of the "chronic anger" and "desire to be right" manifested in every confrontation, that family member of yours might end up being reached by the Word during a harmless supermarket conversation?
Perhaps it's time to realize that as long as you force your way in, for whatever reason you may claim... you won't be able to stop sinning.
It's better to have a dry bit, and with it comes tranquility.,
rather than a house full of delicacies and discord.
How far should a Christian endure conflict?
I am not encouraging anyone to be cowardly or to give up, only presenting evidence that "forgiving seventy times seven" does not necessarily mean continuing to feed a cycle of offenses and suffering, but rather a sequence where one must forgive, ask for forgiveness... and... to move away!
True forgiveness for the offenses we receive may depend solely on whether—as in the example of the man cited at the beginning of this text—we leave and never return to the "brothels of anger"...
Thank you for your attention, and may the Lord bless you!
Read only if you thought the text above applied to marriage.
The text above was written with paternal, maternal, and fraternal bonds in mind, since the Bible isn't exactly a strong advocate of divorce, is it?
It's better to live in a corner of the roof.
rather than having a quarrelsome woman as a roommate in a large house.
It's better to live in a desert land.
than with a quarrelsome and irritable woman.
Many pastors today are "itchy" people, and worse than that, not just those with itch ears!
We have seen the emergence of ecclesiastical companies specializing in harboring all the lusts and degenerations that are multiplying in our days: if they are capable of selling access to heaven to men who sleep with men, why would they prevent the marriage of a heterosexual couple who are just eager to have sex?
I have witnessed marriages taking place without counseling, without concern for the compatibility of personalities and aspirations of the individuals… they just go there and give a “sexual license” and then, when things go wrong, they place the entire weight of a relationship that should never have happened on the shoulders of the couple, especially the infernal chains of those who sin by divorce!
(And personally, it seems to me that there is a particularly sadistic delight in throwing in the faces of divorced people that any new relationship is adultery, that living with another person is fornication…)
Unfortunately, I'm not the one who's going to offer an easy solution for the stupidity, incontinence, and anxiety of those who have already "married the wrong person": if you're not able to recognize your successes and failures, communicate, and set boundaries in your marriage... even a "right marriage" is doomed to fail!
Broadly speaking, the secret to a lasting relationship is the mutual agreement to trust each other with responsibility for our happiness—and I'm not talking about ridiculous, childish, or selfish things here!—and to plan our achievements together.
Therefore, if you're not yet married and are already turning your nose up at certain behaviors of your future spouse… don't be fooled into thinking that some magical transformation will occur after the wedding: start practicing maturity and frankness — which are useful tools for the rest of the relationship and, therefore, for life — and have a very serious conversation, because beating around the bush and misunderstandings are the first planks of the marital coffin, even before the ceremony!
I haven't yet had the courage to start counseling couples because I can't gauge the impact it would have if I called a couple into a meeting and openly told them that the relationship wasn't going to work out.
I've seen so many people spend more than the value of a property celebrating a marriage that didn't even last two years... that perhaps they could even be grateful for the savings.
But a situation typical of stubborn personalities could also arise, where they would remain together for years on end just to prove me wrong in my assessment…
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife,
EXCEPT FOR FORNICATION,
causes her to commit adultery,
And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
If, however, he departs,
May she remain unmarried.,
or that she reconcile with her husband;
and that the husband should not leave his wife.
YOU READ “PREDESTINED“ ?
YOU READ “FREE WILL“ ?
DO YOU WANT ONE
A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
ABOUT THIS OLD CONFLICT?
THEN READ
ABSOLUTE POWER
I.e:
Nobody told you to be a fool, with unbridled anxiety and libido: THE RECOMMENDATION TO DISTANCE YOURSELF, RUN AWAY OR DISAPPEAR... DOES NOT APPLY TO COUPLES.
If you didn't get cheated on, deal with your mess!!!
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